Happy 32 Abstinent Years!
“Well God damn it, I’m still alive!” I muttered as I awoke on that Sunday, August 5, 1979. It was probably after another day of hard binging again, my body was wracked with the pain and agony of excessive sugar consumption, I was thirsty, I was miserable and I had reached the end of my rope. And all of this after I had been in Overeaters Anonymous for almost 3 1/2 years. It was in January 1979 that I had taken the first bite, one of the most irresistible lemon cookies known to exist, and I was off the to the races for the next 8 months. The only thing I had going for me was that I continued going to meetings, giving limited service to the fellowship to the best of my ability, continued calling my sponsor 5 to 7 times a week, reading the approved literature, going to therapy, and attempting to live the 3rd Tradition. The day of reckoning had finally come, or so I hoped. My body just couldn’t take it any more…and I was starting nursing school later that month. Would this last or was it another false start?
Well, the story does have a positive side, I have stayed around program, have gone to hundreds, maybe thousands of meetings since, continue to give service, continue to attend at least 1 OA meeting a week, and try to live an abstinent way of life each day asking for God’s grace to see me through once again.
All the hype, the frustration, the anxiety and the joyful gratitude of having reached another milestone reminds me that it is truly just today that I have to be aware of…and be most diligent in dealing with that day. Abstinence is on three levels now: spiritual, emotional, and physical. The most tenuous is the spiritual, then the emotional, and finally the physical. Working with others keeps my mind out of places it should not be; praying on a daily basis, honest, sometimes gut-wrenching prayers, works for me; and talking with others about things I still have a desire not to discuss with anyone are the ingredients for a sane and productive life.
Of course, most of this would not be possible without the help from all of you. Yeah, I am really poor about communicating with some of you on a regular basis, but you are still in my prayers while I am out running. And this life is possible for each and every one of you for, if I can do it, so can you!
I don’t do any of this program perfectly, but I do make the attempt to do things when I don’t want to because “I already know what to do.” I read the Big Book, study the OA 12 x 12, and even write (yuck!) for I am truly more desparate now than all those years ago. There are so few long time members in our beloved fellowship because I think it is sometimes just too much for folks, day in and day out. But I only have this day of grace to try and live in an atmosphere of peace, harmony, and willingness with God which is to the benefit of the rest of society because I know what I could be like if not working this program.
To each of you I send my heartfelt appreciation and gratitude for your years of kindness, love, compassion, gentle urging (all right, some of you had to use a 2′ x 4′, but hey, it did get my attention!), and prayers. I try to do the same for you each day.
Well, work beckons, my abstinent lunch is over and I can revel in this most wonderful, blessed and amazing day by having a joyous abstinent OA “birthday” meal. Yep, like the Paul Simon song states “still crazy after all these years…” but in a good way!
You have my permission to share this with others if you would like.
In loving service,
Mike